Parenting

Sometimes I feel so inadequate as a parent, a mom.....I'm afraid I'm not doing the right thing for my kids.... I feel like they have already struggled so much in their short lives.....first through the abuse, then with the uncertainty of their future and finally the adjustment home, to us.  I struggle and try daily to be a better parent, to be more patient, more understanding, more loving and a better teacher.  My friend and neighbour is the one who normally gets to hear my worries and she sent me an article today.....here is the part that got to me the most....

If you are a parent of small children, you know that there are moments of spectacular delight, and you can’t believe you get to be around these little people. But let me be the one who says the following things out loud:

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out a way for your children to eat as healthy as your friend’s children do. She’s obviously using a bizarre and probably illegal form of hypnotism.

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison.

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out how to calmly give them appropriate consequences in real time for every single act of terrorism that they so creatively devise.

You are not a terrible parent if you’d rather be at work.

You are not a terrible parent if you just can’t wait for them to go to bed.

You are not a terrible parent if the sound of their voices sometimes makes you want to drink and never stop.

You’re not a terrible parent.

You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

I know it's the opinion of one person but somehow it made me feel better.....I'm not struggling alone and I am human

They are special

A Letter to My Sons About Stopping Rape
I came across this article on Facebook.....the woman writing the article has hit on so many important point that I agree with and have been trying to raise my boys by.  Though the topic is stopping rape, a lot of her teachings coincide with my beliefs and how I'm trying to raise my boys. Hubby and I argue about the points....my dad and relatives make snide remarks to my kids.....but I don't care.....what I'm teaching them is so much more important...... These two paragraphs really put into words what I'm trying to teach them.  The highlighted text are things I strongly believe in.
"First of all, I know we talk all the time about how special your bodies are, and how you're the only one who gets to decide what to do with your body. I've never made you put anything in your mouth that you didn't want to, or touch anyone you didn't want to, or talk to anyone you didn't want to, because I wanted you to understand that you and you alone control your boundaries. We worked on blowing a kiss so you could show that you liked someone without having to touch them, and high fives if you were ok touching them but only with your hand. We talked all the time about not letting people tell you that what you wanted was wrong or that they knew better, and that you should always always tell your dad or grandma or me if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable.

And we talk all the time about making sure that if you're touching someone else that they want you to be touching them. That if they say "No" you have to stop right away (even if it's just fake-punching your brother) and that even if they aren't saying "No" you need to make sure they're still enjoying it. You know how sometimes you like to be tickled and sometimes you don't? Well, everyone's like that, so even if they liked it when you did it yesterday, you should still make sure they really want you to today, whatever kind of touching it is."

I'm trying my best to raise these boys into respectful adults who have enough smarts to know when something doesn't feel right and the courage to tell their parents, knowing that we will always, ALWAYS believe them and try our hardest to protect them. I think so many times we, as a society, try to teach our kids to listen to adults and respect and trust adults and other kids that kids stop listening to themselves......and I promise my boys this, if anyone EVER hurts them, touches them or tries to get them to keep a secret, they will have me to contend with and no one.....NO ONE wants Mama Bear to come out!

Sick Kids

The boys have been sick......like visit the ER sick.  Started last Saturday, both boys fevered.  Adrien fevered for three days, Ryan for a few hours.  On Sunday, Adrien complained of pain in his sides.  I'm not normally a panicky mom (after my friends talk me off the ledge) but my gut was telling me something wasn't right and hubby was telling me the boy was fine.  So I brought Adrien into the ER on Sunday night, thinking it was his appendix.  We were triaged as a 2 because his oxygen was border line low.  I panicked.....I asked the nurse what her concern was, she responded pneumonia....We were in and out of x-ray an hour later.  Turned out Adrien had the beginning of a chest infection.  I immediately asked the doctor if it was contagious cause I knew Ryan would be next.  As we were leaving, I said to the doctor, I'll see you here next week with my other boy...... Sure enough, last night Ryan was having a hard time sleeping.  As I cradled him in the early hours of the morning, I noticed his breathing was off.  Hubby wasn't too concerned, thinking it was just some mucus congestion as Ryan  had been coughing and had a runny nose.......as I sat there rocking my baby and I knew something wasn't right.  As I had friends over for the weekend, hubby brought Ryan to the ER.  We texted each other, joking about the wait time and how tired Ryan was.  Hubby shared that his temperature was 40.2 (104) and he was going for a chest xray....and I knew....I knew Ryan had pneumonia,  two hours later I got another text confirming my fear and stating that the doctor wanted to watch Ryan's vitals for a couple of hours before sending him home due to the high fever.  They came home at 5:30 in the morning.  Ryan nuzzled into me a slept soundly for a few hours (there was too much technology at the hospital for Ryan to look at rather than sleep)......In the middle of today, as I was tucked into the air mattress with either boy securely embraced in my arms did I reflect on how I was feeling the night before.  What that gut feeling was?  How I just knew something wasn't right with Ryan?  How I could possibly be so connected to these two boys who call me mama though weren't of my body?  How I could be the luckiest person in the world to be able to call these children my sons.

March Break .......

March Break is suppose to be a fun time for families with school aged kids to get away and do stuff.

Saturday morning, Adrien went to karate and after spiked a fever.....and complained of a stomach ache.  When given Advil and Tylenol, he was fine.....as soon as it would wear off, the fever would come back.  Sunday evening he fell asleep on me and was burning up....when he woke, he told me his sides hurt....so I took him in.....so glad I did.....his O2 levels were low and his heart rate was accelerated.....turns out he has the start of a chest infection.....now on meds!  The doctor said that if his symptoms changed to bring him back......so he started vomiting over night.....so I brought him back in......and he also has a gastro bug......

Courage

There is a blogger whom I enjoying reading.  She is an adoptive mom in an open adoption from the West Coast....a fellow Canadian.  I have been reading her blog for a couple of years now and am able to understand so many of the things she writes about.  I've liked all her entries, I look forward to her words as they make me stop and think.  I was catching up on my blog reading and read this entry she wrote  Adoption Takes Courage ....I loved it.....