This is going to be a hard entry for me to write.....I don't like sharing my emotions or getting all teary eyed so if you decide to read this, may we never speak of it again.....I'm recording this in writing so that Adrien will have it to read....
We got Adrien's profile on April 24, it was a Friday, at the end of the work day and I was at my brother's house. My sister in law was making dinner and I opened my work e-mail (I had a meeting or something in Burlington that day) and saw the social worker's e-mail there titled Baby Boy 11 months old. I opened it and there was Adrien, not a picture but everything about him, information about his birth mother, his birth father, other family members etc. I called Rob on his cell and asked him if he trusted me, I don't know how to explain, I've never had the balls to do that with the other 17 profiles sent to us......and I don't know why this one was different. He said yes....So I shot off an e-mail back to the social worker telling her we would like to be considered for this little guy. Then nothing......until April 29 when I couldn't take it anymore...so I wrote our worker and begged her to do something to advocate for us....she replied there was nothing she could do, it was up to the child worker and adoption worker in Kitchener. Then, on April 29 at 10:19PM I got this email "
we are planning to interview families on Tuesday May 5th in the afternoon.I am wondering if you would be available on that date at either 2:30 or3:30 pm?" OF COURSE WE WERE AVAILABLE!.....so life was pins and needles until May 5.....We went to the interview for 1 cause the time got changed and I got it in my head that we would hear either way by May 7.....So we went to the interview.....nervous like crazy....the night before we bickered like children, Rob spilt his coffee in the waiting room all over the floor.....I couldn't talk.......So up we went.....there was A the adoption worker, S, Adrien's child worker, C, our social worker and Rob and I. We interviewed for 90 minutes, (the average time is 60 minutes).....Rob was a star that day and the reason we got Adrien (I believe) I was so impressed and proud of how honest he was and how truthful and tactful he was going to be with Adrien when the time came to disclose the reason for his apprehension.....Anyways, the interview ends and A says that they are hoping to make their decision quickly and we should know by the middle of next week. THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK....ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME is what is rushing through my head as I'm fighting to keep my mouth shut....and then I started to will them "you will call me on Thursday...you will call me on Thursday" At that point I asked that C be the one to contact us as C and I have a "method" If we are not choosen she is to e-mail me as I don't want to perform for you on the phone as I'm totally devasted and if we are choosen, she is to call me....as we are walking down the stairs, I see the 2:30 interviewing couple and just start laughing in my head......We gotta get this kid cause if he goes to them, he'll be dressed horribly (again, I've just come out of a VERY stressful situation and wasn't totally rational or kind) So we get to the lobby, out of ear shot and I say to her, "we'll know on Thursday" and she looks at me with this wierd look in her eye and said "they said next week and if you don't get choosen, it has NOTHING to do with that interview, that was one of the best interviews I have ever sat in on." We said our good byes and my life became hell. At this time, I had a friend waiting on a pregnancy test and her results would be in on Thursday and because (in my mind) that was the day we were going to find out about Adrien, we planned to go out for dinner to celebrate! Thursday was HELL
(and this is where I get emotional!) All day I dreaded checking my work e-mail in fear that I would see my social workers name in my inbox and as I was out at schools all day, I kept calling the office to see if anyone had called for me yet. Finally at 3:45 I had had enough and headed home.....I was talking to Rob and telling him how disappointed I was cause we didn't know yet and he kept reassuring me that we would know the following week.....He told me to treat myself and do something fun...After I hung up with him, I called my friend and left a message telling her I hadn't heard anything yet but I would still love to go out to dinner to celebrate her pregnancy! I went to the family room and was laying on the couch when my sister called....not a minute into the conversation did my other line go....checking call display, I noticed it was a private caller so I told my sister to hold on as I got rid of Rob (his phone shows up as private caller) As I clicked over and said a dramatic hello, I heard her voice, it was C.....as soon as I heard her say my name my world started to spin, my heart started pounding and the tears started.........this was the conversation
C: Denise?
Me: C?
C: Are you sitting down?
Me: Are you calling me at home?
C: He's yours.....
That's all I remember, the rest was a total (and I mean TOTAL blur) I asked her to hold on so I could get rid of my sister and when I clicked back, sobbing my sister was concerned as she asked what was wrong....I remember telling her but swearing her to secrecy cause I hadn't told Rob yet....I knew she started crying right then.
The next call was to Rob
Me: Are you sitting down?
Him: Yeah
Me: He's ours....
Him: Oh....(delayed processing)
I had to call everyone and spent the next four hours on the phone crying and calling everyone I knew in the world.......Then it hit me, I hadn't even seen a picture of him.......it was a whirlwind of excitement.....when I checked my work e-mail, there was another email from A....it simply read "
i have just called Catherine and she is out of the office and off Friday,so will not be back in the office until Mon. I think you will want to know this before then." I called her right away and actually got her in the office, it was almost 9:00pm! We chatted and set up a tentative plan of action for transition and she promised me she would send me a picture of my son that night when she got home.....Well I waited and waited until midnight and there were no new e-mails from her. The next day I went to work and there were no new e-mails from her. Then at 11:30am the email came....the email with the picture of our son......I didn't know what to do...of course I was going to open it....but I was shaking.....since it was all we could talk about in the office that morning, I was surrounded by my co-workers, M, R & T excited to see him too....as they looked over my shoulder, three pictures downloaded......there, in front of me, was my future.
