Reflection

"Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know

has walked to hell and back for the chance to be a MOM."

This is status post going around on Facebook......and I hesitated to repost it on my status as I think I put that part of my life behind me....I rarely talk about the treatments, the needles, and the heartache....in fact, thinking about the heartache brings tears back to my eyes, so for me, it's just easier not to think about it......ever....or until someone announces a pregnancy or has a baby.

When I look back on who I was during those years, I can honestly say I don't know who that person was.....she was someone that was so blinded by hope, so determined to succeed and so hopeful to get a positive pregnancy test that she did things that in retrospect she wishes she hadn't. I know hind sight is 20/20...I know people learn from their experiences, but if there was anything I would tell my 27 year old self (yes, that's how old I was when we started all this) I would tell her not to stress about it and not to blame herself. That families are made in different ways.....that adoption works....would I do it over again....in a heart beat.....would I do it differently, absolucy (as Adrien would say!) I think I would try to enjoy more in life and not become all encompassed with trying to have a family....but I can say that now because we have a child.....I wish there were protocols that we didn't do, drugs that I didn't inject myself with and impatience I would have been more patient with......

As I spiral into my infertile black hole, I am reminded why I don't go there often and stay focused on my family and adding to it through other ways....Yes, blood is thick and I would like to be pregnant, of course, that's obvious.....it's not in the cards for me and I morn some of things I lost going through the assisted technology procedures.....things about myself that I will never get back....that's life....but the opportunity to know, love and parent my son is something that I would have lost out on.....and I would NEVER trade him.....for anything in this world...or any other world!......he is proof that blood is thick but love is thicker.....BLAh TOO much emotion from me in one day!

My 27 year old self.......it'll all work out....be patient....