I got a really great comment (thank you) that has really helped me sort out my ideas about how to talk to A about his adoption and will be referring back to it as he gets older.
Yesterday, we visited with my oldest friend who was visiting home from overseas. We have been friends since we were 2! Can you believe it? I love and miss her often and was so happy when she said she and her new husband were hoping to move home over the next year!
So I got her to talk to Adrien and I wanted to see how much he understood from our talk the other day. I asked him where he grew.....and he responded "in another mommy". Then he was off to play with my friends husband. I think he might understand that someone else birthed him and as of yet, doesn't seem too concerned about it.... I won't be highlighting his adoption with him daily and will definitely take his lead on what his questions are....though I am racked with fear that one day I won't be able to answer his questions as honestly as I want to because I don't have the answers....
At times I am still shocked when people ask me if we are going to tell him he's adopted..... In my head, there is no other option. Aside from his cousins remembering when he joined our family and having questions about adoption themselves, how could I not be 100% honest with him. I find no shame in adopting, yes, there may be feelings of hurt and abandonment on his part but we will work through that....I don't think adoption is for every family but for ours, it is.....and I wouldn't have it any other way....
Adoption isnt something that we talk about daily... or even weekly, we chat about it on an as needed basis which is generally when they see a pregnant woman or newborns. Its a part of their lives but it isnt their entire lives so we try to keep the door open but not live in the doorway (if you know what I mean). My son R doesnt have a story that can be wrapped up in a nice bow and told to him one day, its an ugly hurtful story that I wish he didnt have to know. For now we dont talk about the details and we stick to the generic need to know stuff but eventually when he's older if HE wants to know then I will tell him things that I simply cant fathom as a mother but its his right to know (in my opinion) and so I will do my best to be honest.
ReplyDeleteAdoption isnt always easy - but its worth it.