“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

We are struggling with Ryan......my hubby is ready to give up......he's not doing well.....we can't take our eyes off of him for one second.....he is destroying our home, putting a wedge between hubby and I......and we can't afford all the therapy he needs to get him up to where he needs to be.  We have started Theraplay....well, we were assessed.....we have been asking and asking the agency for help, and they have been saying yes and then nothing comes of it.....I truly believe hubby might walk.....he's too overwhelmed......he's tired and my work hours don't help.  The agency is pushing us to finalization....we are pushing back.......they don't get it......the trauma this child has endured may be too much for us to work on by ourselves.....we need their help and they aren't willing to help......
But Ryan....how I love that child......how I get so angry with him.....how I feel so guilty about the anger....how I feel like no one is listening.....how I am feeling hopeless.....how I feel like it's all my fault for saying yes......But Ryan......how I love that child and know he is kind, smart and important......and I'm scared he's hearing how he is bad, unlovable and a problem.......I hope I never give him that message but I'm scared that's what he's hearing and seeing.....so many people have already gotten "rid" of him....but I am his mother......I love him.....I'm so proud of the gains he has made in 7 short months after 22 months of damage......I love him......I am his mother.......