Lately

Things seem to go in cycles around here.....either things are really good or really bad......lately it's been very difficult.

Ryan seems to be struggling.......he seems to be in panic mode....fight or flight for the last couple of months.  It has gotten so difficult, that hubby has called me to come home from work on several occasions.  We've had a case conference for him, with lots of great ideas and support coming out of it.
The most profound things for me was the realization that this little boy is in an unconscious heighten state of panic.  We have reached the time period that he historically has been removed from his current home.  Every thing he does, everything he says........its proof that he's scared.

Confession: until recently, hubby and I haven't probably been the best parents to him....losing our patience, getting angry and yelling way more then we ever have......we are frustrated.  It wasn't until Adrien said to me that he wanted me to have a conversation with dad about all the yelling did I realize how much yelling we were doing.  And it wasn't until Adrien begged me not to send him or Ryan away, did I realize how much he listens to conversations he shouldn't be.  After reassuring him that no one is leaving this family EVER, that I was able to share with him that the yelling is from frustration and that will try very hard to change it.  He then shared that he understood frustration too, when Ryan hits him, takes his things or breaks his things.  The last bit has been better.....and we are continuously talking to each other, the kids and supports about how to make things better.  Looking for any insights!