Mother's Day....take 1

So tomorrow North America will celebrate mothers.....today.....the world of adoption will celebrate Birth Mothers.....I don't know Adrien's birth mom though I think of her often, almost daily.... she is the woman I wonder most about....she is a mystery to me, besides what I have on paper about her, I don't know what she looks like, I don't know what she sounds like or what colour her eyes are, though I know when I look in my son's face, I must see glimpses of her....regularly, without knowing it.....Today, I wonder how she is doing....if she gets the letters I send, if she wonders about the wonderful little man she carried for 9 months....does she look at ever 3 years face and wonder....."is that him?".....I want her to be happy and know that he's doing well....he's thriving....he's happy....he's loved ...he is so loved by so many and has impacted so many lives with that smile.... so to her and all first moms....I want to wish you the Happiest Birth Mother day ever....and may you be happy...today and every day.....

Today is also very significant for me.....it's the day I offically became a mom...... Two years ago today I got the call..... that we were chosen as Adrien's parents... read about it here http://adriensworld.blogspot.com/2009/10/call.html

Little Did I know.....

....that two years ago today would be my last day as just a wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend....it would be the last time that I ,came first for me..... May 5, 2009, Rob and I had an interview about this profile that was about a one year old named Adrien. He had had a rocky start in life and was thriving in this foster environment. Out interview was 90 minutes, 30 minutes longer than expected and went very well.....not only do I remember that events of the few days, I remember every Adrien related moment starting two day before the interview when I had my entire family up at the house for a BBQ....we were joking around and talking and it was the first time my dad had heard of the upcoming interview and possibility of becoming a grandparent again, it was when I told my sister in law that she and my brother would be the child's God parents.....it was a great day....then Tuesday and the dreaded interview came.....and went....very well....then can May 6.....my dad's birthday....We all went to the Mandarin for dinner....All I could think about was the interview and how I was so sure I would be hearing the next day about how the interview went, even though the social workers said a decision would be made early the following week.......and here we are....two years later, celebrating my dad's 61st birthday.....with a child and getting ready for our second.....little did I know....

Water Boy

WHile on March Break in Nashville, the boy and I did some swimming....my sister just sent the pictures to me today (thank you Seca).....here is my little swimmer....now that he's not taking lessons anymore!

This one is for you, D....

Hope you're healing quickly and feeling better.....we can't wait to see you and D soon....don't forget to watch the video of the dancing machine!

At a wedding with me.....drinking his first Shirley Temple....mixture of 7up, orange juice and grenadene


Hamming it up for dad waiting to make pizza


Spreading the sauce on his pizza


Hunting for eggs.....filled with playdough.....still finding them a week later!


Looking handsome!


At the wedding, waiting for the girls to dance with him

Out for a walk!

Easter

Hoppy Easter........it has been a weekend of visits with family and watching childhood homemade movies....Today will be a day of rest, reflection and family!

God bless you......

Just Pictures...are worth a million words

Reflection

"Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know

has walked to hell and back for the chance to be a MOM."

This is status post going around on Facebook......and I hesitated to repost it on my status as I think I put that part of my life behind me....I rarely talk about the treatments, the needles, and the heartache....in fact, thinking about the heartache brings tears back to my eyes, so for me, it's just easier not to think about it......ever....or until someone announces a pregnancy or has a baby.

When I look back on who I was during those years, I can honestly say I don't know who that person was.....she was someone that was so blinded by hope, so determined to succeed and so hopeful to get a positive pregnancy test that she did things that in retrospect she wishes she hadn't. I know hind sight is 20/20...I know people learn from their experiences, but if there was anything I would tell my 27 year old self (yes, that's how old I was when we started all this) I would tell her not to stress about it and not to blame herself. That families are made in different ways.....that adoption works....would I do it over again....in a heart beat.....would I do it differently, absolucy (as Adrien would say!) I think I would try to enjoy more in life and not become all encompassed with trying to have a family....but I can say that now because we have a child.....I wish there were protocols that we didn't do, drugs that I didn't inject myself with and impatience I would have been more patient with......

As I spiral into my infertile black hole, I am reminded why I don't go there often and stay focused on my family and adding to it through other ways....Yes, blood is thick and I would like to be pregnant, of course, that's obvious.....it's not in the cards for me and I morn some of things I lost going through the assisted technology procedures.....things about myself that I will never get back....that's life....but the opportunity to know, love and parent my son is something that I would have lost out on.....and I would NEVER trade him.....for anything in this world...or any other world!......he is proof that blood is thick but love is thicker.....BLAh TOO much emotion from me in one day!

My 27 year old self.......it'll all work out....be patient....