"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb


Adopted, like him

I know a woman. We have been sharing information about our personal lives. I confided that we had adopted, she confided that she and her spouse where going through infertility treatments, and that her spouse was adopted and he currently doesn't want to adopt. Whenever I meet adults (or spouses of adults) that were adopted, I always seem to have a hundred questions, because I want to know what it might be like for my son as he gets older. She shared with me that her spouse has reunited with his first mother and they have a good relationship. She also shared that they can not share their visits with his first mom with his adopted mom as his adopted mom feels threatened and doesn't want to know about the relationship. They will be spending Christmas with his first mom and haven't been able to tell his adoptive mom because it would hurt her too much. I pray, that when the time comes, Adrien will be able to share his relationship with his first mom and first family (if they reunite) and that I won't feel threatened by it. I have an aunt and uncle that adopted their two children and when she found out that we adopted Adrien, she celebrated the fact that his was a closed adoption and that we wouldn't have to worry about another family barging in (her words, not mine). She couldn't understand why I want an open adoption and constantly challenges me on thoughts. Infact, when my cousin found his birth parents, she made him pick..... his adoptive family (that in her words, gave him the world) or his first family..... He struggles daily with the choice he told her he made, maintained a close relationship with his birth father until his passing. Talking to him, he shares that he always feels like a piece of him was missing, he couldn't talk to anyone about being adopted while he was growing up and still has resentment towards it. I don't want Adrien to feel that way....EVER......no matter how I feel about it.....this adoption process started out as our desire to have a family and has morphed into giving Adrien all the security and love surrounding his adoption, no matter how I feel about it. He has a right to know where he comes from, who he looks like and knowing that though they couldn't care for him, they loved him.....Which brings me back to this woman.....she shared that her spouse's first family had a birthday party for him......at this party, all his first family was there, including siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. They gave him gifts.....gifts that they would have given him as he grew up from an infant on....on their cards, they indicated at what age they would have given him that gift, how old they would have been and things that he and that family member would have been doing. As she told me, I cried.....because the gesture was so heart warming and heart felt and because I can't comprehend the loss his first family felt or how he felt receiving those gifts. Knowing that they thought about him, wondered about him and always loved him.....I want that for Adrien....so badly.....


  1. Sniff..... I was doing so good until the end part. What an amazing party. I wonder how it made him feel to reflect back on those years and what he had and didn't know he was missing.

    DH's cousin put up her 3rd child for adoption. I can't help if one day he'll come back into our lives.

  2. She did end up using adoption. I hope she's doing well and the little one too.....