"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb


pictures from Wonderland

We went to Wonderland yesterday to celebrate Adrien's birthday with his girl cousins. They had a blast.....Adrien went on the Ghoster Coaster....he loved it while we were going up....as soon as we started going down he started screaming "I don't like this" in between laughing his head off! We opened and closed the park...my kid is a superstar....he didn't want to leave...and woke up this morning asking for more! He's cooL! And I can picture him at the age of 14 holding some girl's hand walking through the park, going on roller coasters and being a 14 year old.....
Getting his height bracelet (40") and getting excited about the rides.
Waiting for the train.....
So happy on the trains, saying "I could do this all day"
Over looking the park exclaiming "I can see the whole world"


The Beach

We spent the day at our favourite beach yesterday.....the weather was perfect, the water was refreshing (read COLD!) and the company was fun.....except I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet.....lesson learned!
Watching the other beach bums goofing around

Some of the toys we brought

Playing with his buddy

Trying to fill the bucket with toy tweezers...lol

He hates sand on his hands

Sweet 4 year old boy

"Mom, why is that guy whistling?"

Getting buckets of water for the dry sand

Having a great time

Hauling water is hard work!

Getting ready to dump

Playing with toys


Almost 4

getting brave on his backyard climber
On the eve of his last day as a three year, I think back to our last year.....and am amazed at who this person is becoming.....and how he is sounding more and more like me (oops) each day....asking his friends "are you making good choices?", "how do you think that will make me feel?" and "are you sharing?".....He's amazing kid and I can't believe he's going to be four.  I REMEMBER things from when I was four.....


Just two different types of love

Feeling very grateful and emotional today....knowing how much I love that little boy, what a pleasure it has been to be his mother.....I found this poem on one of the site I frequent....and not normally an emotional person, I can say this poem made me cry...lots....I think because his birthday is coming up, having met him 3 years ago today and because of how often I think of his mom and hope she is ok and that her heart doesn't hurt for him, missing him and wondering about him every day because I know that if my child was adopted, I would wonder about him all the time.  And though her circumstances where different then those who were able to decide to terminate their parental rights, he is still her son too...always will be, he is her blood....he is my life....

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
—- Unknown

I hope and pray that she has found peace and one day, I hope I can help her ease her mind.....and thank her for giving birth to one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life.....

3 years ago today

Our very first meeting, our very first picture together
Adrien will be four on Friday....Unbelievable I know....and we will celebrate that day......though today holds a very special spot in my heart.....today is the anniversary of the first time I laid eyes on the man that would change my life, my world, challenge my ideas, teach me patience and about unconditional love....three years ago today was the first time I got to meet my son....it had been such a long wait....so very very long....but three years ago today, I got to see him, touch him, smell him and hold him.  It was such an emotional day for me, I was so conflicted.  Here in my presence was our child, the one I had waited a lifetime to meet (that's what it felt like) and yet he was a complete stranger to me, with a history that I couldn't comprehend....here was a child who was labelled "the child with the lifeless eyes", whose eyes just shone with love....for them, his foster parents (I can't thank them enough for the love they have given him and continue to show him and us).  It was a bitter sweet moment for me, and though I have probably written about it before, I can remember it, see it and feel it like it was yesterday.  The "high" of the excitment of knowing that we were to become parents had almost worn off (we waited almost 9 days from the time we were a family until the time we got to meet him) and reality set in....we were going to be parents....could we do it?  Could I do it?  I had so many doubts, that those first few days that he came home where hard on me, here was a little person who was soley dependent on us and we didn't know him...our mission for those first few months were keeping this person alive another day without anything happening to him, ensuring he was fed, clean, rested and exercised.  It was hard, probably similar to a newborn coming home....and I realized now, having the bond that we do, that when people asked me a couple of weeks into Adrien coming home if we were attached and me saying yes, that we were in the process of becoming attached and probably weren't really there until he turned two.  In retrospect there were little indicators, he didn't eat much, he was compliant and quiet, he didn't really fuss about much....like us, he was trying to figure things out....we were fun for him and took care of him but really, this was the third family he was placed with, and though we are his family, I know he didn't understand that....Here we are, three years later....and we have the most wonderful son a family could ask for....people always tell us how lucky he is and how perfect he is....and to me, we are the lucky ones....and though they are right, he is pretty close to perfection (in my eyes anyways) he is a typical soon-to-be four year old, who has his own mind, his own ideas and his own way of dealing with things....he laughs and he cries, he helps and he has trantrums but for our family, we (the three of us) are the perfect fit for each other.... and now we wait to do it all over again, to introduce another person into our family to complete the perfect fit....


Mother's Day weekend

This weekend we went to Erie, PA.....hubby needed some clothes so we priced it out and it would be cheaper to drive there, eat out and stay at a hotel plus buy clothes then it would be to buy clothes here. So off we went....HUGE bonus for me, my college roommate lives in Erie and I haven't seen her in about 16 years. So off we went. We had a fantastic time....we swam in the pool, at dinner at this restaurant, with it's hanging motor cycles and race cars everywhere. Then we went shopping on Sunday and spent the afternoon at the beach. the perfect Mother's Day for me!


The Trails

We spent the day yesterday exploring the local trails....it was so much fun....our picnic lunch was delish! Partially because we had walked for so long. We then headed to the park before coming home. So glad spring is on it's way!



When we were visiting with my past client, we went for a walk and Adrien was running down the path....and fell.  This picture was a day later....his mouth was full of blood and gravel....he cried, let me clean it and continued to play!  That's my boy!



When I finished University, I thought I would end up working with Young Offenders, they were the population I thought I could make a difference with.  That wasn't to be the case.  I accidently fell into the world of Autism and never looked back.  When I got my first full time job working with kids severely affected by autism, people thought I was either crazy or had the patience of a saint.  It was neither, it was about working with a population that others had given up on where I saw their potential.  These kids had skills, they had emotions, they had humour.....they were like other kids except they learned differently.  My first shift at TRC I met a boy....this boy had severe behavioural concerns and had the potential to harm staff.  I was assigned to him.....I was terrified to say the least.....by the end of my shift, I was smitten.....Here was a 9 year old, who was mischievous, silly though couldn't express himself....I volunteered to work with him every shift he was in for the summer.  That September I was offered a position in one of our classrooms.  To my wonderful surprise, he was a student in it....we just clicked....he was wonderful even with all the aggressions.  I was in that classroom for almost four years before being promoted to supervisor of a high school classroom and then leaving for my current position.....I hadn't seen him in three years when one day I bumped into him at a Pizza Pizza.....he remembered me....my heart soared...it was because of him that I decided to stay in the field of Autism.  Fast forward a few more years and his mom contacted me.  Tonight, after a few years, I brought my son to meet this 22 year old that stole my heart all those years ago.  And when he saw me, his eyes lit up.....The three of us played cars, basketball, on the plasma car and went for a walk.  It was the best three and half hours I've had in a long time.  Adrien was drawn to him and he was so gentle and caring towards Adrien, they became fast friends.  When it was time to leave, both boys protested but after hugs and promises to see each other regularly we were off.  Adrien talked about him the whole way home, about how much fun they had, how silly he is and that Adrien wants to play with him again.  It almost feels like I've come full circle with this family......what a wonderful night!