"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb



This is what our life has been in pictures for the last little while!
A pictures of our visit with Santa

Christmas party
helping out

fell a sleep at the dinner table

Elfie, our Elf on the Shelf, came back

Tree decorating

Tree decorating

Tree decorating

Getting the stockings ready

Oh Elfie!

Eating his gingerbread house


'Round here

I hate sounding like a downer, I hate complaining about my life, I hate being so needy........but life is getting harder....I've started a new job and am trying to figure out how to balance two jobs, while experiencing one of the biggest learning curves of my life, while then doing BOTH jobs.....and neither one of them being done well.  Then imagine a having a child who is having nightmares or something all night and keeps everyone awake pretty much all night, then you have another one who wants to know his BM, he has questions and needs to have them answered (no, we are NOT contacting the birth family but I will be contacting the social worker and request that she try a bit harder to get us a picture of BM....and trying to deal with my own feelings about the whole thing.....needless to say, I have been under a lot of pressure (self induced) and stress about being everything I needed to and so much more.....I crashed two weekends ago.....and I crashed hard.  Hubby made a suggestion about something and I went cuckoo.....I was crying and then couldn't stop crying, then was choking from laughing because I was so amused that I couldn't stop crying....I am slowly crawling back into the sunlight, with a smile!  The boys are doing well.....Adrien's teacher wanted to talk to me and share her concerns about getting him tested as he won't attend during class and they can't get information out of him to see what he knows.....we are working on that......Ryan, oh my poor poor baby Ryan, he had a specialist appointment on Tuesday and she suggested that he wasn't waking up due to nightmares but more likely due to wax build up and the pressure created from it.  He needs to get his ears suctioned and will be seen by an ENT to see if he requires tubes in his ears......I have a night away coming up this weekend.  In the last 4 and a half years of being a parent, this will be the second night I have spent away from Adrien and the first from Ryan.....I get to spend some quality time with the most wonderful girlfriend.....
Adrien writing a story Ryan about Puppies

Halloween 2013, Minions

This is what co sleeping looks like in our house

Mommy date discussion

My attempt at Ryan's 3rd Bday Cake

My Super Hero

So much love, so much happiness, so much fun
So Blessed <3 td="">



My son's birth mom is pregnant again......and I'm struggling with it for so many different reasons.....reasons I can't put into words yet....my heart breaks for her because I know she's trying to fill a void in her life.....but I'm also angry with her because I know the situation and I know she's not in a position to parent right now.......I hope everything turns out for this little baby coming into the world and that the right decisions are made for him/her......

Adrien's in SK

We had a busy summer and are settling nicely into September.  My big boy is in SK.....I can't believe he's almost 5 1/2!  Seems like yesterday he was a baby.  I've noticed big changes in Adrien this school year.  he seems happier, though some of his school skills have regressed, like his printing and his mono-coloured art work, but he is a free thinker and those will come!

Brother needed to get in the action

Oh my, how he's grown!

We attended his open house this week and he is such a ham.  While I was talking to the teacher, he was greeting and directing everyone coming into the classroom.....he has such a BIG charismatic personality......he was walking through the school talking to strangers and talking to them about the art on the walls.....he continuously blows me away.  The other thing I've noticed is his relationship with his dad.  It is starting to bloom.....and though a little envious that he doesn't need just me as much, I'm so happy to see their relationship grow.




Things seem to go in cycles around here.....either things are really good or really bad......lately it's been very difficult.

Ryan seems to be struggling.......he seems to be in panic mode....fight or flight for the last couple of months.  It has gotten so difficult, that hubby has called me to come home from work on several occasions.  We've had a case conference for him, with lots of great ideas and support coming out of it.
The most profound things for me was the realization that this little boy is in an unconscious heighten state of panic.  We have reached the time period that he historically has been removed from his current home.  Every thing he does, everything he says........its proof that he's scared.

Confession: until recently, hubby and I haven't probably been the best parents to him....losing our patience, getting angry and yelling way more then we ever have......we are frustrated.  It wasn't until Adrien said to me that he wanted me to have a conversation with dad about all the yelling did I realize how much yelling we were doing.  And it wasn't until Adrien begged me not to send him or Ryan away, did I realize how much he listens to conversations he shouldn't be.  After reassuring him that no one is leaving this family EVER, that I was able to share with him that the yelling is from frustration and that will try very hard to change it.  He then shared that he understood frustration too, when Ryan hits him, takes his things or breaks his things.  The last bit has been better.....and we are continuously talking to each other, the kids and supports about how to make things better.  Looking for any insights!


JK to SK

My baby boy has completed his first year of the education system.  He has learned so much, both good and bad but more importantly he has grown and matured even more.  I knew he was growing but had no idea until I compared......what do you think?
He went from being a scared little boy to the king of the castle
Noticed how much he's grown!


Here is comes

So I'm loving my new phone....can't remember life without it! (LOL).  I've had so much fun playing with different apps and taking tons of pictures that I thought I would do a HUGE picture post!  Enjoy!

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day in North America and as we focus of the lucky women who are mothers, there are plenty of women out there today who are all alone.....Remembering them also honours me.....I remember those painful Sunday mornings, waking up and knowing I would have to call everyone and wish them a Happy Mother's Day while inside I was dying.  It's not the joyous occasion everyone on TV says it is........and to me, every day with my boys is Mother's Day!


He's a whole hand of fingers today.....Adrien is 5........I can barely believe how fast time has flown.....how much laughter and tears have filled our home, how one little person could save me.....
Recap of birthday fun.............This year, he wanted a camping theme....so a camping theme he got


cupcakes for school


birthday sign

A while

I know it's been a while since I last posted but I have been so busy with work and crazy with the family.  I'm tired.....deep down tired......like an exhaustion that I can't shake......
We are doing ok as a family.....Adrien is excited about school being done, Ryan will be starting daycare two days a week.....and I have the month of August off......


He's going to be 5

My baby is going to be 5 on Saturday......I'm torn......mourning the baby that made me a mom, so proud of the big boy he's become......Mission Camping Birthday Party is under way......things are coming together and getting done.....pictures to follow


Four Years Ago

It was four years ago today that I got the call that I was a mother......after 35 years (I believe I wanted to be a mom from the minute I was born)....after years of IVF......after years of expenses.......after years of anger, hurt and sadness.......I was a mother.  The thought of opening the door and seeing those blue eyes so excited to me makes me speed the whole way home. The thought of being cuddled in the middle of the night no longer upsets me when it's him.....The thought of his little fingers wrapping themselves around my fingers make my heart swell with the amount of trust he has in me. The thought of his face lightening up makes me melt.........And though we are not blood, he is my son......he has soooo many of my mannerisms, my expressions....my words........he is my son.....and I love him (and his brother) more than anything and anyone on this earth......and I would move mountains for him.
May 2012...at the beach

June 2012.....City Hall Splash Pad

July 2012.....Canada Day party

August 2012.....I'm a big brother

September 2012.....First day of school

October 2012......Thanksgiving

November 2012.....growing so fast....his Movember attempt

December 2012, Christmas Cheer

January 2013, Our Preformer

February 2013, shooting darts at Mommy

March 2013.....Dancing Madness

April 2013.....Cousin's First Communion

May 2013....Roasting Marshmellows at Nonno's