"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb



What is the definition of impatience?????

ME..................waiting for the lawyer to call and tell me it's time to release the key of my house.....the phone just rang.......(hold breath)
"Is Chad there?"
"You have the wrong number..."
"I'll take your number off my list"

DANG IT.....it wasn't the lawyer's office, what a waste of excitement.....The asssitant said she would be able to release the keys to me within an hour.......talk about the LONGEST HOUR EVER!


19 Month Update

Seeing as how I am married to a procrasinator I will have to do the 19 month update now because someone (most likely HUBBY!!!) didn't bother to set up phone service and internet service for our new residence until yesterday.....the company is a LITTLE bit busy and we will be LUCKY if they can come to set up service BEFORE January 18......and now, our phone number will have to change so I will have to learn another 10 digit combination (LOL) That's ok, cause I live without the phone, it's the internet that is getting both of us! I will get him to call them again today to see if they can put a rush on it.....we'll see what happens!


Teeth: 7 (first molar is out) with LOTS and LOTS of drooling, so there are more coming

Walking: yes....almost exclusively.....he takes his time but he's doing it and is tres cute

Words: putting two words together and says please in the cutest way ever

Favourites: LOVES chili and pasta this month....loving the bath and playing PING with the duck, where we sit it on the ledge and I flick it into the water....loves computers and will sit and play with the keyboard imitating his parents....loves other kids, still Tas and his cousins but it has been noted that when we are out he will try to gain the attention of other kids by saying HI, tilting his head to one side and wave....

Reaction to snow: "ohhhhhhhh woooooowwwwwwwwww" though doesn't like to touch it and says cold before throwing it to the ground

He is growing so quickly and is becoming a little boy.....the hair growing experiment continues, it is filling it a lot and it thin and straight as a board!

Here's to hoping that our next post isn't his 20 month update...lol.....I can feel the withdrawal starting already!


Mama's little helper

We get possession of the house in two days and actually move in three. As you can imagine, Adrien's world is upside down, his home is full of boxes, there is limited access to toys and his mama is going crazy trying to get everything done in time. So this little guy tries to help, as I'm packing up the boxes he coyly removes things and places them back into the cupboard or a different box. As you can appreciate this kind of work can be VERY tiring for a 19 month old. Here he is resting....don't worry, I gave him what for....it wasn't break time yet and here he is, lying on the job! lol


Adoption Finalization Affidavit

So we have sent our social worker our affidavit where we talk about our abilities to parent a child, finacially, emotionally and physically. This is the LAST leg of our journey......this will go to the courts and then it will be done......it will be legal and we will get his birth certificate in our family name!


It's the final count down!

Well it's offical.......I can count the number of sleeps in this house on one hand! I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself.
Last night a group of neighbours went out for dinner, it was great to see everyone though it was sad to know that they will not be as close (physically). Updating my to do list would drive me crazy but everything is done except 10% of packing which are things that we still know!

Last Sunday, Adrien and I went to Christmas town with my brother, sister in law and nieces (and their neighbours). We had a good time though Adrien HATED the horse sleigh ride and wanted NOTHING to do with Santa.....poor kid.....


Mind your own

As a new mom I am learning many new things but the thing I can't handle is people telling me how to raise my child or going behind my back to telling others. To these people I would like to say mind your own business. You had your chance to raise or are still raising your children. Keep issues such as discipline, religion, play groups and everything else to yourself unless asked. Thank you.


8 days and counting

We have only 9 more sleeps in our first house. Rob and I feel in love with this house for different reasons but over the last three years it has become home....a home that has welcomed, fed and entertained many family and friends. It was the home we brought our son to.......as I count down the days left here, I'm excited about the new chapter our next house will bring......I can't wait............


Adrien is definitely an independent little guy.....telling us what he likes and what he doesn't like....He likes trying to eat on his own so the other night I stripped him down to his diaper and let him go!

Soooooo cute


Run Run

Run run as fast as you can
You can't catch me, I'm the ginge.......


Christmas Present Ideas

I read another person's blog (can't remember who)and she had a fabulous Christmas tradition that guided her gift giving for her family. It struck a cord with me and I think we will be adopting the same tradition, starting this year. You buy gifts under the following categories: want, need, wear, read.......
So this year, Santa will be bringing Adrien his "want" present.....which is yet to be determined.
His read gift will be a Dr. Suess book.....probably "The Places You'll Go" or "Drum Drum Finger Thumb"
His wear gift is 7 pairs of Sesame Street socks
His need gift will be items for his new big boy bed bedroom......

Rob can read so I can't share what his gifts are but underwear are involved!


Busy December

There seems to be a miilion things that need to be done this month. So much so thy I'm bound to mess something up. Between the move, work and life somethings gotta give.
To do list
pack....yeah yeah
pacemaker clinic....Friday
fireplace cleaned....check
2009 tax assessment...picked up today
Christmas cards...in the mail
pack....I'll get to it
confirm movers....next week
buy furniture...Monday
transfer services to new house...ask Rob
pack....don't want to
finalize adoption affidivat.... Almost done
pack.....Anne is coming this weekend
go look at house again...Monday
take stuff to the dump.....Friday
pack....for five cents, I'll get to it
have air filters replaced....oh hubby, get on it
meet with lawyers....in two weeks
go for neighbours dinner....next Saturday
pack....alright already
host moms bday dinner.... 2 1/2 weeks
sell stuff on Kijiji....tomorrow
buy stuff on Kijiji....all the time
get all the information for the lawyer.....I'm working on it
have play date with Taz....ever Wednesday
clean new house....when we get keys
clean old house....after our stuff is out
empty crawlspace,shed & pack backyard....next weekend
pay 2008 taxes.....oops. Soon?
Christmas shopping.....you mean the new house isn't gift enough for Adrien
Work.....in between that time
panic.....with every breath!
move.......17 days


Pudding face

fun eating

In my arms

I think one of my favourite times of day with Adrien are those moments right before he falls asleep. It's not because I am free for a bit but because I love cuddling him, listening to his breathing slow down as he nods off, the smell of him fresh from a bath with his little hand touching my skin as he falls asleep. I would love nothing better than to stay in this position with him until the sun rose but there are things I must do before I go to bed. I am treasuring these moments because I know they won't last forever. I remember rocking my nieces to sleep and how saddened I was the last time the eldest fell asleep oneabout a year ago knowing it was probably the last time. So with Adrien, for right now, I'm going to relish the peacefulness and closeness of his bed time routine. Good night my baby, sweet dreams and I know they're sweet cause I see the smile on your face.


Words to live by

We hosted our annual work conference and had some great speakers there. A few quotes have stuck with me....and not only working with a particular population but good ideas for me to live by......

1. the soul must be loved as it is...... (This is from a movie called We Thought You'd Never Ask, Voices of People with Autism)

2. Don't just think outside the box....BLOW UP the box.....(I love this one!!!!)

3. Presume competence.....

Thank you great speakers for sharing your knowledge, insight and beliefs.....


18 months

Today he is 18 months. He has been on earth for 18 months. In the span of a life time, 18 months is a blink of an eye but it has been his whole life. He is sleeping with his little hand holding on to my arm and I remember his first night home how I just stared at him sleeping. I'm still watching him sleep and he's more beautiful now than he was that first night (if that's even possible!)
Progress to date:
teeth- still 6. When will the others come
weight- 24.5 pounds
words- approx. 50
walking- yup, though still prefers to crawl
sleep- naps daily for a couple of hours and sleeps about 11 hours a night
LOVES - people, Elmo, milk, cars, books, going out, water, shoes (I know, that's my boy!)
favourite foods- pasta, applesauce, hot dogs, fruits, broccoli, crackers, yogurt
dislikes - polenta, missing the action
likes - laughing, being chased, hiding in cupboards,
Wow, what joy this little man has brought to our lives in the last six months. We are truly blessed!


Where'd she go?

We went to Niagara Falls for Halloween weekend....we were having open houses and showings so I thought it would be nice to sweep my boys away for some rest and relaxation. We stayed at the Comfort Inn on Clifton Hill and had a pool side room. We really enjoyed ourselves in the pool and have confirmed that we have a fish on our hands. He derieved great pleasure in dunking me and then asking his audience "Go?" And what an audience we had....the entire dining room over looked the pool! We had guests coming up to us for the rest of the trip telling us how sweet our boy is! More Niagara blogging and pictures to come as soon as Rob gets them to me!



It's offical. Our house is sold. We accepted an offer Monday night and had the conditions lofted tonight. Now to find our perfect home. So exciting!!!!!!!

People like us

After being on an infertility website for the last five years and sharing my pain and joy with women struggling through becoming parents, just like us, I met one of ladies last night.......We had such a great time and though we had never met in person before it felt like we had known each other for years. There is something to be said about creating support groups of people who have experienced the ups and downs of IF......We hit it off so well and it was so comfortable that I can't wait to see her and her hubby again. She reminds me of myself, her personality is similar, her actions and behaviours are similiar and Adrien LOVED her.....Thanks for a great night M.....can't wait for the last weekend of November when I get to meet more of these fabulous ladies!


Anti adoption

I've been doing a lot of reading latey of blogs belonging to adoptive parents and adoptees. I was very ignorant when I can across the term anti adoption. I felt very defensive. How dare people be against adoption. Don't they know that's how we became a family. Then I started reading about it, and I get it! I get what they are saying about adoption though I don't feel we fit in that category. I didn't know that people adopted in some places don't have access to their birth certificate, I knew that promises made in open adoption agreements were sometimes broken, I know that due to some laws in international countries fill orhanages, but what about my son. How is all this information going to affect him. I now refer to his birth mom as his first mom and his foster mom as his second mom, I want to be honest with him about everything about where he came from and today after reading his profile again (which I hadn't done since we got him) I feel very different about what was written and it has given me hope that when it comes time to disclose I will be able to do so with respect for his first mom. It is such a different world, reading the blogs of the anti adoption, that I am hopefully gaining valueable insight to how my son might feel as he gets older and tries to discover himself. I just read a good debate on the term "forever family" and will probably never use it again as what the author shared rang true for me.
I'm glad I stumbled across the sight as I find I'm learning more about myself and how to be a better parent to my son.

7 Steps

Today my son took 7 steps towards me......And of course it's three hours after the PT and I confirmed our first appointment!
Here is the video.....I get a little too emotional...which you can hear it in my voice but my boy is starting to walk!


It's done!

We did it....we got the house ready...with the help of some great friends.....Thanks Sandy, Kata. Jess, Jen, Maureen, Ruth and Gayle....you ladies did what I thought would be impossible.....I told the realtor we would have the house ready to list tomorrow and was starting to doubt myself....until my friends helped.....A thousand thanks! Here is the finished product!



Things are moving fast. The house goes on the market Thursday and then we stArt the search for the perfect house. It's crazy how much we have to do. Here's to hoping it gies quick cause Adrien knows something is up, he just figure out what.



So we have been talking about moving to a bigger house since the spring and in fact, we were going to put our house on the market last spring when we got the call about Adrien and felt it would be too much transition for our family. As of late, we haven't been able to move....between my shoes (as hubby claims) and Adrien's toys we are running out of room. We have a realtor coming to look at the house tonight to determine it's value, then we have to stage it and get it ready to show....but in the meantime, we'll be looking for our long term home......saying good bye to our starter home and our neighbourhood and friends will be difficult but they will always be a phone call away~


Pashmina Prince

A couple of years ago some coworkers and I went to conference. In the BIG room, it was rather cold so for four days we wore pashminas.....all of us did, hence the start of the Pashmina Gang. The day after we found out about Adrien we had a planned dinner with the gang....I was so excited to share my wonderful news and they were so happy to hear it. Since then I have shared many stories and and experiences around my new adventure with them and as I was the last one to become a parent, I think they all enjoyed it! Tonight, Adrien became an honourary Pashmina Prince, receiving and wearing his first pashmina.....Thanks Steph, Andrea, Catherine & Ray, for giving my kid the honour!

And the friends move in

I guess my kid is tired of living the bachelor life in the cupboard and asked his friends to move in.....so today I went to put some pots and pans away and found new houseguests living in the cupboard. When I composed myself again, Adrien went to have a party with them and I couldn't resist taking a picture.


The Call

This is going to be a hard entry for me to write.....I don't like sharing my emotions or getting all teary eyed so if you decide to read this, may we never speak of it again.....I'm recording this in writing so that Adrien will have it to read....

We got Adrien's profile on April 24, it was a Friday, at the end of the work day and I was at my brother's house. My sister in law was making dinner and I opened my work e-mail (I had a meeting or something in Burlington that day) and saw the social worker's e-mail there titled Baby Boy 11 months old. I opened it and there was Adrien, not a picture but everything about him, information about his birth mother, his birth father, other family members etc. I called Rob on his cell and asked him if he trusted me, I don't know how to explain, I've never had the balls to do that with the other 17 profiles sent to us......and I don't know why this one was different. He said yes....So I shot off an e-mail back to the social worker telling her we would like to be considered for this little guy. Then nothing......until April 29 when I couldn't take it anymore...so I wrote our worker and begged her to do something to advocate for us....she replied there was nothing she could do, it was up to the child worker and adoption worker in Kitchener. Then, on April 29 at 10:19PM I got this email "we are planning to interview families on Tuesday May 5th in the afternoon.I am wondering if you would be available on that date at either 2:30 or3:30 pm?" OF COURSE WE WERE AVAILABLE!.....so life was pins and needles until May 5.....We went to the interview for 1 cause the time got changed and I got it in my head that we would hear either way by May 7.....So we went to the interview.....nervous like crazy....the night before we bickered like children, Rob spilt his coffee in the waiting room all over the floor.....I couldn't talk.......So up we went.....there was A the adoption worker, S, Adrien's child worker, C, our social worker and Rob and I. We interviewed for 90 minutes, (the average time is 60 minutes).....Rob was a star that day and the reason we got Adrien (I believe) I was so impressed and proud of how honest he was and how truthful and tactful he was going to be with Adrien when the time came to disclose the reason for his apprehension.....Anyways, the interview ends and A says that they are hoping to make their decision quickly and we should know by the middle of next week. THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK....ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME is what is rushing through my head as I'm fighting to keep my mouth shut....and then I started to will them "you will call me on Thursday...you will call me on Thursday" At that point I asked that C be the one to contact us as C and I have a "method" If we are not choosen she is to e-mail me as I don't want to perform for you on the phone as I'm totally devasted and if we are choosen, she is to call me....as we are walking down the stairs, I see the 2:30 interviewing couple and just start laughing in my head......We gotta get this kid cause if he goes to them, he'll be dressed horribly (again, I've just come out of a VERY stressful situation and wasn't totally rational or kind) So we get to the lobby, out of ear shot and I say to her, "we'll know on Thursday" and she looks at me with this wierd look in her eye and said "they said next week and if you don't get choosen, it has NOTHING to do with that interview, that was one of the best interviews I have ever sat in on." We said our good byes and my life became hell. At this time, I had a friend waiting on a pregnancy test and her results would be in on Thursday and because (in my mind) that was the day we were going to find out about Adrien, we planned to go out for dinner to celebrate! Thursday was HELL (and this is where I get emotional!) All day I dreaded checking my work e-mail in fear that I would see my social workers name in my inbox and as I was out at schools all day, I kept calling the office to see if anyone had called for me yet. Finally at 3:45 I had had enough and headed home.....I was talking to Rob and telling him how disappointed I was cause we didn't know yet and he kept reassuring me that we would know the following week.....He told me to treat myself and do something fun...After I hung up with him, I called my friend and left a message telling her I hadn't heard anything yet but I would still love to go out to dinner to celebrate her pregnancy! I went to the family room and was laying on the couch when my sister called....not a minute into the conversation did my other line go....checking call display, I noticed it was a private caller so I told my sister to hold on as I got rid of Rob (his phone shows up as private caller) As I clicked over and said a dramatic hello, I heard her voice, it was C.....as soon as I heard her say my name my world started to spin, my heart started pounding and the tears started.........this was the conversation

C: Denise?

Me: C?

C: Are you sitting down?

Me: Are you calling me at home?

C: He's yours.....

That's all I remember, the rest was a total (and I mean TOTAL blur) I asked her to hold on so I could get rid of my sister and when I clicked back, sobbing my sister was concerned as she asked what was wrong....I remember telling her but swearing her to secrecy cause I hadn't told Rob yet....I knew she started crying right then.

The next call was to Rob
Me: Are you sitting down?
Him: Yeah
Me: He's ours....
Him: Oh....(delayed processing)

I had to call everyone and spent the next four hours on the phone crying and calling everyone I knew in the world.......Then it hit me, I hadn't even seen a picture of him.......it was a whirlwind of excitement.....when I checked my work e-mail, there was another email from A....it simply read "i have just called Catherine and she is out of the office and off Friday,so will not be back in the office until Mon. I think you will want to know this before then." I called her right away and actually got her in the office, it was almost 9:00pm! We chatted and set up a tentative plan of action for transition and she promised me she would send me a picture of my son that night when she got home.....Well I waited and waited until midnight and there were no new e-mails from her. The next day I went to work and there were no new e-mails from her. Then at 11:30am the email came....the email with the picture of our son......I didn't know what to do...of course I was going to open it....but I was shaking.....since it was all we could talk about in the office that morning, I was surrounded by my co-workers, M, R & T excited to see him too....as they looked over my shoulder, three pictures downloaded......there, in front of me, was my future.



I am recieving some great comments and I appreciate them immensely though I seem to be having a problem publishing them....so if you have commented and your comment isn't showing, it's because I can't figure out how to do it and I'm changing the settings so I don't have to approve them first!


I think overall as a mom I'm doing ok....I ensure he eats healthy, gets exercise, lots of cuddles and tons of play. The area I'm sucking in is in his sleep routine. When he came home, Adrien would fall asleep in his crib with a bottle and wake up around 5 for another bottle before sleeping for another three hours.....then we stopped giving him his bedtime bottle to him in bed and would rock him while he drank it to sleep. If he cried through the night, he would come into bed with me until his morning bottle. Then he started refusing to go into his crib at all so we got him a toddler bed, which he hasn't slept in for more than an hour at a time....so then he just started sleeping in the double bed, all cozy in the nest of duvets and pillows. I then mimicked that to his crib where he began to sleep again....now.....he won't go near his crib.....cries when you say crib and will only sleep in the double bed.....so it went from him sleeping alone in the double bed, to him waking up to check if I'm there....if not, he'll call for me and I go running afraid he'll fall out and break his head.....But I think I may have a solution.....I will feed him his bottle and not rock him, then lay him down and he will self soothe himself to sleep with me laying beside him and a pillow between us......I will work my way out of the room. The goal is to get him looking like this all on his own....cause I love when he's all cozy and relaxed....like this....

His new home

My boy has found a new home.......out with the cardboard and in with the cupboard. This is his new favourite spot in the whole world and will sit in it, in the dark and just giggle to himself before throwing the door open and yelling BOO......not only has he found a new home, he has found a new gang and is taking over bandana mama's banadana's and has joined the white gang.....he puts those bandanas on his head and thinks he's the coolest guy ever!


His first mother

I am not my sons first mother nor am I his second mother, I am his third and forever mother. I don't often think of his life before us. I never really have because when I do I get angry. I get angry at the woman who carried my son then neglected him so badly that professionals documented that he was significantly delayed at three months old. I read about his first three months and I want to cry, for the suffering my son had to endure before he was ours. I am so torn between the hate I feel for her during the first three months of his life and I love her for giving him life, for creating one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and love. And selfishly I am glad she made the choices she did because I can't imagine my life without him. Ours is a closed adoption, we have no pictures of her, just her name. For my son, I wish there could be contact, someone to answer questions for him, someone he would look like, someone who loves him but wasn't ready to be a mom yet. How can I hate her, look what she (a stranger to my family) has given us.
His second mom is a wonderful person who has opened up her home to us. She took in my son, the baby with the lifeless eyes and loved him, nutured him and cared for him until that sparkle came back. With that sparkle came lots of smiles and laughing. She mothered him for 9 months of his life, loving him as if he were one of her own. He was one of her own until he found his forever home.
I am his third and forever mother. I promise to love him, nurture him and challenge him. I want to give him wings so he can fly and be the best person he can be. I want him to live honestly, laugh often and love deeply.

Everything happens for a reason

I hate that saying......how can everything happen for a reason......what reason is there that a mother loses another child or a father loses his 23 year old daughter is a stupid car accident. What could possibly be the reason? Over the past few days, there has been tragedy in two of my friend's lives.....A mother, who recently lost a newborn, didn't have a heartbeat at an ultrasound.....and a man, who's life revolves around God and his family lost his daughter. Over a weekend when we are to be giving thanks, these two families are mourning the greatest loss known to mankind, that of a child. Being a new mother, I finally "get it", the love a parent has for their child, the love my parents have for me and my siblings....it all makes sense now but being that we are human and always need to rationalize and find the answers to things I want to know what reasons these things happened for.......My heart is breaking for these two families and other families that I know that have lost a child, including my aunt who lost my first cousin at the age of 4....though my cousin passed 27 years ago, my aunt isn't the same, how can you be when something that you have created and love more than life itself is gone. And I know that we should have faith and know that our loved ones are with God, but I guarentee that these parents would give up their souls just to have their children safe in their arms.....please, the next time you are at a loss for words, don't say everything happens for a reason because sometimes, it doesn't


Stuck Truck

My sister gave Adrien one of her boys not used toys which is a truck shape sorter that moves when you push the drivers head done. Adrien LOVES this toy....he was playing with it one afternoon and tried sitting on it (like he does with all his toys) and it got stuck on him....I couldn't stop laughing.....and laughing....though I did stop laughing long enough to get these pictures!

Dancing machine


Giving Thanks

Today is Adrien's first holiday with us as his forever family, I find it fitting that the first one is Thanksgiving as there are so many things that I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for my son

I am thankful for my husband

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for my friends

I am thankful that I am employed

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my stomach

I am thankful that I live in Canada

I am thankful that I have the freedom to choose what I want to do, what I want to believe and how I want to live my life.

For all these things I am thankful........thank you God......




I am guilty......for not reading to my kid enough. I don't know what the measurement of enough is but I know that I fall way below the acceptable line. It's not that I don't think it's important....I do thinking reading for pleasure is a dying art. I don't know what it is.....I read a lot myself and try to read to Adrien.....on occassion, when I force myself, he doesn't seem to enjoy it, always wanting to skip ahead or stay on the page with the picture of the dog (ok, ok....I know it's age appropriate behaviour, I'm kidding)...it can be very frustrating......and then I was looking through my August 2009 pictures and found this picture. Honestly, it's time that I raise the reading to my kid bar cause as far as he's concerned, all books are to be that (in the picture) way! His teachers will not be happy with me!


How Much is that Puppy in the Window

I'm so excited to have a child to dress up for Halloween this year.....though it's not the only reason I wanted a child, having one during holidays and special events make them different, in a great way.

I took Adrien to Wal-Mart to pick out his costume and the picked the dog.....no surprise there as he LOVES dogs! Here's a sneak peek of him all dogged out!



I have a really good friend named Tazzie, she's really cool and I get to hang out with her a lot. Though I don't know how to play with her yet, I play beside her and imitate all the things that she does.
My mom is always bugging me that I'm going to marry her but really mom, I think she'll just be one of my closest friends, almost like a sister to me.
She's really cool, she likes milk, Abby, Zoe and Bert from Sesame Street, she likes Rock Band!, she loves her Pliget AND she loves being a superhero! She can talk A LOT and runs around the kitchen laughing while I try to keep up. She's a great artist and lots of fun. She's my friend and I love her lots!
We take baths together
Do arts and crafts together
Play in bed together!
Live together in a cardboard box!
And make dinner together!
We have SO much fun together!


My Picasso

While I was off on parental leave, Adrien and I had the opportunity to do many fun exploring things together. One of our favourite things to do was hang with Adrien's BFF, Tas at her house and do fun and creative things like finger paint!