"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb


Adoptive Mom

I have been reading a lot of blogs written by adoptive parents. I follow a woman who is single parenting two boys in the States. I was reading a blog post by her where she was explaining why she had canceled a visit to the first/birth mom..... in it, she mentioned something about being an adoptive mom....and a mom. It got me thinking....and I get what she was saying. I always felt like Adrien's adoptive mom, like there was someone out there who was his "real" mom, and it wasn't me.....like a long term nannying gig..... about a year ago, probably due to tons of reading, huge bonds and time, I finally felt like his mom.....that me, just his mom....and I love it.....though I clearly remembering feeling like his adoptive mom for a long time....and I can't explain why.....

My neighbour is pregnant and I am taking the opportunity to engage Adrien in some conversations around adoption..... this was our conversation the other day:
Me : What does neighbour have in her tummy?
Him: A baby....mommy, you have a baby in your tummy?
Me: Nope, my tummy can't have babies in it.
Him: I come from your tummy
Me: You have another mommy.....you grew in her tummy.
Him: where is she?
Me: I don't know (I really don't, due to circumstances, ours is a closed adoption)
Him: We go to Wal-Mart and get me a sister?.....and he was off.

I am trying so hard to be correct with the terms I use with him and what I tell him...... It's hard, cause I don't want to mess it up for him....I never want him to feel ashamed of being adopted and I want him to know that he is loved by many people, including his first family, even though they don't see him......suggestions? input?

1 comment:

  1. I make sure to use the term "birth mom" or "biological mom" when I talk to my boys because I dont want them to confuse the "real" term and who it belongs to.
    We keep the conversations light and natural. My one son will say "I grew in X's tummy but then I came to your house right" and I just answer a simple "yep - exactly, one day when your a big man maybe we can meet her". His adoption is closed as it was with CAS but when he's 18 he can request the info.
    I totally believe that kids can grow up knowing they are adopted and can still feel "normal" and loved.