The surgery is pretty standard now a days, they will put me under for about 2 -4 hours, cut my existing incision open, take out the old battery, insert a new lead using an x-ray machine, flush out the pouch with antibiotic that the battery will sit in, attach a new battery, do some tests and close me up. The last time I had this done was in 1986....and I remember waking up to a very sore arm. This time, I won't be able to lift anything, including my own arm to ensure that scar tissue forms around the new place holding it securely in place. The other part that is scary for me is during my recovery, what if the battery become infected (a 4-5% chance) or worse yet, what if I forget and lift my arm jarring the lead out of place. I am 100% dependent on my pacemaker as I have a congenital heart block of the lower left chamber, which means that without the pacer, my heart can not go faster than 50 beats a minute. When I went to see another surgeon (my surgeon wanted a second opinion for a number of reasons, the main one being my age) They "turned the pacemaker off" and my heart only started kicking in at 30 beats a minute. Now, with other muscle memory in the body, it was speculated that if left like that for a few minutes, my heart would have kicked in and gone faster, but honestly, not chance I want to take.......
As for my son, I will be in hospital over night.....and I know that hubby is a great dad, but it'll be my first night with out my son....And I'm worried about how he's going to do, if he's going to cry for me, if he'll be eating enough....(WOW, that's only one night....what am I going to do when he grows up and moves away from home?) Then, there is the question of whether Adrien should be brought to the hospital to see me. But who is that going to benefit...me or him? Does he need to see me hooked up and groggy, unable to get out of bed and play with him, unable to pick him up? Plus, my surgery is at 2:00pm....even if I'm done by 4:00 pm, I'll have to be in recovery for a minimum of 2 hours depending on how quickly I come out of anesthesia......
My mom will be here for 2 weeks of my recovery period, helping me out with Adrien.....and I am thankful for that but what if he resents me for not being able to do everything I was able to for that recovery period....what if he gets angry with me because he can't understand why I can't pick him up anymore or why I can't carry him anywhere.....he's a mama's boy and this is going to be hard on all of us....I just don't want it to be too hard on him.....
I'm trying to get everything before hand, the laundry, meals, cleaning, etc.......but all I want to do is take pictures with Adrien and play with him just in case......
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