"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb


Always wondering

Because family is the root of my being, of my core, of my heart, (and I love mine something fierce) I am curious as to my son's family of origin....I have scoured social networks looking for them, looking through countless profile pictures scanning for a resemblence....and not because I necessarily want them in our life, I just want to see her face...I want to know what she looks like, it's a desire so strong that I envy those with an open adoption....I want to know what his mom looks like...what colour is her hair, her eyes, what shape is her face, how tall is she...etc....mainly so I can tell him but also because I want to know....When I go to the area he's from, I scan every woman's face looking for something familiar about it...wondering if that is her...so, the other night.....my sister and I were scouring FB via the phone, just playing around looking up old friends and playmates when I jokingly typed in the name (not telling her).....and something popped up...now, it wasn't her because of where she lived....so I tried to narrow the search.....to include the location where he was born....and someone came up....but dang privacy settings, I couldn't see anything....except the friend list...so I went digging some more and found a face that could be my son's in 30 years....it was eerie....so I went digging again and came up with another face that could be his twin now....I know I found his extended family...there is no question in my mind...but no pictures of her....and now what, I have no intention of contacting them....NONE....then I did a Google search for his sperm donor (I call him that out of respect for my husband who is still figuring out the adoption process for himself) and added more information...(how do I get this information...don't worry about it) AND HE CAME UP...I thought it was him until I continued reading and he wrote something that confirmed 99% for me that it was him....I have his birthdate, his weight, height and eye colour....and other personal information that Adrien will want...but no picture of him...

I am asking myself why am I feeling the need to do this and I think it's because enough time has past with Adrien in our family and it's time to start working on number 2. And my concerns with #2 is how my #1 will feel if #2's adoption is open.....that's a whole other post of thoughts going through my head!

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