Always wondering

Because family is the root of my being, of my core, of my heart, (and I love mine something fierce) I am curious as to my son's family of origin....I have scoured social networks looking for them, looking through countless profile pictures scanning for a resemblence....and not because I necessarily want them in our life, I just want to see her face...I want to know what she looks like, it's a desire so strong that I envy those with an open adoption....I want to know what his mom looks like...what colour is her hair, her eyes, what shape is her face, how tall is she...etc....mainly so I can tell him but also because I want to know....When I go to the area he's from, I scan every woman's face looking for something familiar about it...wondering if that is her...so, the other night.....my sister and I were scouring FB via the phone, just playing around looking up old friends and playmates when I jokingly typed in the name (not telling her).....and something popped up...now, it wasn't her because of where she lived....so I tried to narrow the search.....to include the location where he was born....and someone came up....but dang privacy settings, I couldn't see anything....except the friend list...so I went digging some more and found a face that could be my son's in 30 years....it was eerie....so I went digging again and came up with another face that could be his twin now....I know I found his extended family...there is no question in my mind...but no pictures of her....and now what, I have no intention of contacting them....NONE....then I did a Google search for his sperm donor (I call him that out of respect for my husband who is still figuring out the adoption process for himself) and added more information...(how do I get this information...don't worry about it) AND HE CAME UP...I thought it was him until I continued reading and he wrote something that confirmed 99% for me that it was him....I have his birthdate, his weight, height and eye colour....and other personal information that Adrien will want...but no picture of him...

I am asking myself why am I feeling the need to do this and I think it's because enough time has past with Adrien in our family and it's time to start working on number 2. And my concerns with #2 is how my #1 will feel if #2's adoption is open.....that's a whole other post of thoughts going through my head!

Letter

Right before Christmas our social worker contacted us letting us know that Adrien's mom's sister had called her and left a message. The social worker felt that the aunt was calling to set up contact with him and wanted to know how we felt about it. Though our initial feelings were fear and threatened, we only want what is best for our son and knowing EVERYONE in his family, including birth, foster and adoptive, is in his best interest as long as it is safe for him. Plus, because we have very little information and no picture of his mom, we thought this would be a good opportunity for us to fill in some of those blanks. We had some really tough conversations, like how would it impact him if there was only one visit.....how would it impact him is there was sporadic contact....we went through a bunch of different scenarios......in the end, we both agreed that we would NEVER stop any form of contact, because he does have more than one mom (and though many do not agree with me that he has more then one mom, I am comfortable with it and in my heart it is our family's truth)....Turns out it wasn't contact she wanted. Anyways.....it got me thinking......a lot....I couldn't get it out of my head.....he has a whole other family out there that know about him and have no idea where he is, how he is doing, what he's like....how great he is and how lucky we are to be raising him {smile}....The first week of January, I wrote a letter to him mom.....nothing personal about Rob and I, just about Adrien, what he likes and doesn't like, how he's grown, his learning....it was a page and a half all about this great little person....I sent it to the social worker who sent it to her last known address.....It is the middle of February and I haven't heard back.....I'm honestly not surprised, though I am disappointed.....I want the best for Adrien....and though in the beginning of this adoption journey I was all for a closed adoption, I have grown as a person and am sad that my son may not have that....I think it's really important for a person to see themselves in others, to feel connected in all aspects of their lives and to know that they have always been loved. I will continue to send letters on his birthday as he grows and maybe one day there will be a response.....for his sake I hope so.

Our First Night 28.05.09

We were terrified......what if he didn't sleep, what if he is scared, what if he doesn't like us....our first night home was nerve wrecking. Between hubby and I we must have checked on him a hundred times.......well, he slept through the night in his crib, only waking for one bottle....ahhh, the first night and how well he slept, now the little one is a monkey at night time and is currently refusing to sleep anywhere but in the big bed.....not his cosy duvet crib or his cuddly toddler bed...in the BIG double bed....smack dab in the middle!

Here are pictures from his first day home, exploring and playing!

Seriously, he loves brushes!

Adrien's first birthday

(Mom's point of view)

I had always pictured celebrating my child's first birthday with a HUGE party at our house, surrounded by family, friends, balloons, presents, flashing cameras, laughter and two perfect birthday cakes that I had made.

Instead (and equally as beautiful) Hubby and I spent our son's first birthday with his foster family in their home. It was great. FM made a tastey dinner and we had a very simple vanilla cake that I made. We spent time playing with Adrien and took him outside to play. It was only our third visit with him and the first time I felt a bond with him starting. (I will write about the first two visits another time)

Let's begin

Me, the first time my mom and dad met me.

Hello....my name is Adrien Joe and I am 16 months 1 week so OBVIOUSLY it's my mom posting these messages.....the point of view will be from mym mom and her view on how I see the world. (should make for some interesting blogging)

A little bit about how my mom got into blogging- about 4 years ago she found a fabulous website that supported women (mainly) and men dealing with infertility issues and began blogging there. Since I have joined the family and changed her world, she has said good bye to the site that saw her through the joy and pains fo becoming a parent and is hoping to make this blog her new home.

A history of how I came home forever- After 6 years of trying to get pregnant, myh mom and dad thought it was time to start the adoptiong ball rolling. They had always planned on adopting and got to business. After almost two years after leaving the starting gate, here I am!

Meeting my forever parents- Three days before my first birthday I was awoken from my nap by my faster parents (known then as mommy and daddy now affectionately known as Gran and Gramp) and brought me downstairs were these three ladies and one guy were in our kitchen. The lady was a blubbering fool (my mom) who wouldn't turn around to look at me and my Gran had to hug her to make her feel better. (my gran gives the best hugs). I was given to the guy (my super cool dad) and we visited for a couple of hours. We visited for two weeks before I moved to my forever home with them. It was tough in the beginning.....especially for my mom who wanted everything to be pergect for me....Four month later, we're doing pretty great and are a happy family unit.