Hard

Normally when I write my blog, I try to keep everything sunshine, rainbows and unicorns....I'm struggling.....with this transition.....Ryan is struggling.....(as to be expected) and I know that in a month I will look back on this entry and laugh because everything will have settled down by then....I'm frustrated....and though I love this little man, I need a break from him, he's extremely needy and whiny.....and I'm not used to that...I can't listen to him cry anymore....if feels like that's all he does....it's frustrating because I see the potential in him, he's so smart, so funny, so loving......and when it's good, it's good...but the last couple of days have been rough.  I think he realizes this might be long term.....and he doesn't get his way like he used to at his former placement.....we have rules and expectations and he's fighting them....this too shall pass....but I'm filled with guilt for feeling this way....and I hate it.....he's just a baby who has been through so much in this little short life.....I need to find the strength to be more patient, more supportive, more  understanding......I need to dig deep in and just do it.....I owe it to him....he's just a baby......and he's going to be with us for a very long time (forever).....Just a little bump in the road....temporary.....it will get so much better.....I know that to have success and progress, I need to take two steps forward and expect one backwards.....it just feels like a down hill slide right now.....
I just went to look at him...he's a sleep.....and looks so beautiful that my heart skipped a beat (my pacemaker won't actually let that happen anymore, but you know what I mean)....I do love him, heart and soul......and this too will pass......