"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb



2.10.12

Underneath it all

The last couple of days have been rough, and I'd like to thank my friends for their outpouring of support through this time. When I get stressed, I start to listen to music....it seems to help me....last night, after the boys had come to bed, I put on my iTunes and was just laying there listening to songs.  A song came on, Underneath it All by No Doubt.  And the chorus really really hit home for me.....at first, when I was listening to it, I just stopped...though it's meant to be sung to a lover, there were words in it that rung true for me... He is really lovey....underneath is all, he wants to love me underneath it all but how can he trust me, that if he does love me, I won't leave or have him taken away like he has been so many times in his little life....I'm really lucky, underneath is all,  to have him in my life, he's amazing.....and I kept playing the song as tears streamed down my face.....and then my brain flipped, and suddenly I was listening to the song as if Ryan was telling me......and I couldn't control the tears or the sobs....(now as I write, I'm tearing up)....Enough emotion for one day...After a few minutes that felt like hours of letting all my frustrations at what I see as my incompetence and sadness for Ryan and what he's been through before coming home, I walked over to the crib....picked up my sleeping baby and just rocked him....as I tried to sing the words to him....I put him back down and went to sleep.  This morning, I felt different....felt like we could do this....Ryan and I, we are going to make this work, I'm going to let him know and feel the love and the permanency of our family and how much we cherish and adore him.  So far, today has been a much better day....and it's only going to get better....



(I've taken out the lyric that I don't feel fit.....the rest, I think fits)
You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely 


You know some real bad tricks
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best

And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad 

So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
Better better

Sarah Blackwood doing a cover of Underneath it all by No Doubt

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