"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break." -Chinese Proverb



28.2.12

Our Profile

I have been struggling the last few nights writing our profile for our adoption. I received an out line from the agency today and didn't realize how many people would be looking at the profile. The list included:
" Your profile book could potentially be shown to:
  • social workers who are considering placing a child in your home

  • birth parents and extended family

  • foster families

  • older children to be placed for adoption or foster/adop"

    How do you put onto paper your heart's desire....how do you talk about the hardest thing to talk about, that makes you the most vulnerable...and to strangers...not knowing what they want to hear or what might upset them. How do you display your family in the best light without coming off "perfect" cause it's just a snap shot of who you are....of course we're only put the best pictures on that show fun, love and happiness....I have finished the "dear birthmother" letter (with the help of my sister) and think it is very reflective on who we are.....Anyways.....it's almost done.....finishing touches are being put on it and then will be sending it to My Publisher!


25.2.12

Drummer Boy

We were going to go into the city today but the roads are icy and my tires need to be replaced so instead it will be an indoor play date....Mama, Daddy and Adrien. I was able to make a drum set with all the different instruments he has and we enjoyed the show!






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A long time ago

I went somewhere I haven't been in a long time. To a web site that was my world while trying to get pregnant. The women on the site were my life line......Anyways, I found my old blog. And started reading it (so there may be more entries that end up here, because sometimes I forget where I come from and to appreciate where I am, I shouldn't forget) and found this one. In light of our newly approved home study and being put back on the list, these were my thoughts on adoption from December 2007. Though reading the time line again, I think I am mistaken with how long our adoption journey really took. (note to self: figure that out) It amazes me how much I've changed and how much I've healed.
"The last six years have been hell, we have been trying to get pregnant and nothing has worked. We fought, blamed each other and cried a lot. It hasn't been fun and I hated it with a passion. Things that should be fun and intimate no longer are, things that should be simple and effortless no longer are, things changed and will never be the same, I'm not the same. I will never look at a mother without envy, I will never look into my nieces and nephews eyes and not wonder what our kids would have, could have, should have looked like. I will never be able to give blood from the crooks of my arms anymore because the years of daily blood work has scarred them, I never want to see another needle or home pregnancy test again because I know that it will never be postive for me. I have watched as friends and family have tried to get pregnant, gotten pregnant and had babies, I have walked out of rooms because people where talking "baby" again, a language I so desperately want to learn but will never understand. Some days it seems more important about "how" I will become a mother, but for the most part, it isn't an issue and we will adopt because I know we will be parents.
Adoption is defined as:
-the act of accepting with approval; favorable reception; "its adoption by society";
-"the proposal found wide acceptance"
-a legal proceeding that creates a parent-child relation between persons not related by blood; the adopted child is entitled to all privileges belonging to a natural child of the adoptive parents (including the right to inherit)
-borrowing: the appropriation (of ideas or words etc) from another source; "the borrowing of ancient motifs was very apparent" wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
To me, adoption is a venue in which I get to become a parent. It's funny how long the journey I took brought me to the same conclusion I knew as a 12 year old. I ALWAYS knew I was going to adopt and I always knew why I was going to adopt, it's because my body has some how failed me, it is unable to do the one thing I want to do the most in life, I am adopting because I am infertile. WOW, I'm infertile.....that's a hard one to swallow, but it's true.....thousands and thousands of dollars have proven it. My views are not negative or degrading about adoption, my views stem from a pain so hurtful that the wounds may never heal. I look forward to becoming a parent, and 99% of the time, I know I don't have to give birth to a child for me to be a mother, but tonight is that rare 1% of the time, when I've had a great weekend with my nieces and then I had to go home....back to my reality, of an empty house, a husband that is dealing with his own feelings and loneliness....Guess I'm having a bad day.......tomorrow will be better, I just can't stand the waiting any more.......As I told our Social Worker, this is something that we having been waiting for with her for almost 10 months but this is something WE have been waiting for for 6 years. "

24.2.12

Approved

"You are approved and ready to go!" was the email I just opened (and totally needed after the day this has turned into to). It made me smile....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG....reality has just set in....I have to do so much now.....find a crib (from Ikea), fix up Adrien's room so that there is room for a crib (they will be sharing for a little while, unless we get a girl) I have to get some things moved around and should probably purge a whole lot of stuff...and the spiraling begins.....my heart is full, though the wait could be years, we are ready for it!


"Huh, I'm going to be a big brother?"

22.2.12

Junior Kindergarten

In my mind, the picture of my baby is what is ingrained into my memory.......a baby, who couldn't talk, walk or feed himself. He was totally dependent on us for everything, from bathing him, to keep him self, to playing with him and keeping him entertained. From watching where all the electric outlets are to keeping scissors and knives out of his reach......we had a baby.......

....then something happened, days started to pass and this little baby started to grow and grow...he learned to how to eat by himself, sleep over night without a diaper, spell his name (I know, right!) and one day I looked at him and he was a little kid...you know, too big to be a toddler, too cool to be a preschooler but not big enough to be a kid.....

During the last week of January I had to register him.....that's right, register him for junior kindergarten. So, after a summer of fun, our son, just a mere 4 years and 3 months will be starting his professional education. He will be going every day all day (new JK initiative) and learning so much. We've already met the teacher and she's given him homework over the summer. He's already learned it all...just saying...he's brilliant!
And though he is growing, now we wait for our second child to join the family and really hoping that we get our second child from Adrien's foster family (whom we miss) though this time around we have a more tainted view of the agency. We are hopeful that we will find a match for our family and quickly.....
Now, for your viewing pleasure.....the little man spelling his name!


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13.2.12

Pink

Pink is his favourite colour.......his cup has to be pink, his plate......when given any choice where pink is an option, the choice will always be PINK! Though I don't care, cause it's only a colour and I think he looks great in pink, hubby has issues with pink....and is forced to deal with it (by me, cause it's just a colour!) and is getting better, though still won't buy him a pink a bike......

11.2.12

How they've grown

Adrien has a BFF.....he has known her since the day he came home (we have known her since before she was born) Over the last few years, it has been fun, interesting and at times painful to see how their friendship has grown and developed. Tassie is about 7 months older than Adrien. She has a vivid imagination, loves to sing and dance and is determined to marry Adrien when they get older. They fight, hit and hurt each other but always say sorry. They are the best of friends and are starting to love to play together!

Our families get together once a week for dinner, chatting and play. We go to restaurants, go to parks, water parks, skating and generally have a great time together!

Last spring we took lots of walks in the paths. Tassie generously gave Adrien the green wagon. The wagon was purchased by Tassie's late grandmother and we are so honoured that they would share it with us. (April 2011)


A regular night dinner at our house.....these two could be siblings! (2010)


A tradition of the two families is to spend News Year together, we go to the local park, look at the lights and watch the fireworks. This was the start of the tradition (December 2009)

Their first meeting, when they were still babies (May 2009)

4.2.12

Cuteness

I'm a lucky mom, being playing lots with the growing boy so I haven't been a computer much..... I would apologize but I'm not sorry....I'm LOVING every minute of being with him. He makes me laugh, with his ever emerging humour....he tires me with his defiance and motivates me to be a better parent every day. We are officially done all of our home study stuff and now we wait....be back soon!